"I asked for a car; I got a computer."

Looking for a commentary that uses big words and ponders the deeper meanings of various topics? Well...you've come to the wrong place. This blog is all about extolling the greatness of Christ, the joy of marriage, the rollercoaster ride called parenthood, the supremacy of the 1980's...and doing all of it at a fifth grade reading level!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Anyone Got A Kleenex?!?!?!

Those who know me well can testify that I'm probably the weepiest guy in America. I'm not ashamed of the fact that it doesn't take much for the tears to start flowing...but it does make for some awkward circumstances.

I was reminded of this fact yesterday...as I was hit with a barrage of sad news in a short span of time. Most notable of these were that one of my favorite students here at ACU is pregnant and the "male donor" wants nothing to do with her, and one of my most favorite people in the world was recently diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease.

So I'm relaying this information to one of my co-workers with my eyes welling up with tears. I apologized, noting once again that I'll cry at anything. And I began to detail some of the things that make me turn into a blubbering mass of tears and tissue.

Texas State Basketball Tournament: I know what you're thinking -- how on earth does a guy cry watching basketball...and girls basketball at that! Well...for years, Robin and I have gone to the girls tournament. In each championship game, there is a winner and a loser...and Robin giggles at me as tears stream down my face as I watch the losing team mourn their loss. The incident that sticks out is when Whiteface lost in the Class A championship game on a last-second shot...and while the winning team (Nazareth, I think) is celebrating, the coach from Whiteface went down the bench, took the face of each of his sobbing players in his hands, and kissed them on the cheek. I absolutely lost it, and, truth-be-told, am tearing up while typing this!

Funerals: Yes, everyone cries at funerals...but I cry at funerals of people I don't even know!!!! People I've never met in person!!! Sad, but true. How I eulogized my grandfather I'll never know!

Movies: Here, for your amusement, are five movies that stick out in my mind as paralyzing me with sorrow (no laughing, please)...

5. "The Champ" -- Boxing movie with Ricky Schroeder and Jon Voigt. This is notable as it's the first movie I remember crying in (Champ dies in his last boxing match)...and I was 8!!!
4. "E.T." -- Watched it not too long ago with Elijah and Noah; both thought it was funny that there daddy was tearing up. Both boys OBVIOUSLY have their mother's sensitivity!
3. "School of Rock" -- Not only is this my most favorite movie of all time, but I cry every time they play their song at the end. No, I have absolutely no idea WHY I'm crying -- I just am!
2. "Dead Man Walking" -- No lie, I cried solid through the last 45-minutes of this movie. I don't necessarily recommend seeing this movie as it's quite disturbing, but it's AWESOME! I actually felt sorry for Sean Penn's character!
1. "Hoosiers" -- I cry in three different parts of this movie each time: A) When Ollie (the short, funny-looking bench warmer) sinks both free throws to win the regional final game; B) When Everett and his dad (Dennis Hopper) have their reunion at the hospital; and C) When Jimmy Chitwood hits the shot at the end and the ensuing celebration takes place.

Honorable mention goes out to "Steel Magnolias," "Fried Green Tomatoes," "Dad," "Phenomenon," and any other movie that has a funeral scene.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Points to Ponder

Random thoughts while pondering the whereabouts of Alex Winter (Bill from "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure" fame...I don't think he has worked much lately).
It is indisputable that I am the more immature member of the Campbell couple. That being said, I was relieved to come home one day to find Robin giggling to herself while looking through Elijah's backpack. Elijah had brought home a drawing of the solar system, and his teacher helped him label all the planets. While going over each of the planets, Robin found it especially funny to say to Elijah, "Look, Elijah, there's Uranus." Truth be told, I even giggled while typing this.
Have you ever driven the portion of I-10 in between Kerrville and Junction? I love that portion of interstate because the speed limit is 75. But the road looks like a Civil War battlefield! I've never seen so many carcasses in my life. Just had to share...
Drove to San Antonio last weekend for an alumni event. On the way I saw five ladies on the shoulder of the freeway waving frantically to traffic. I pulled over to see what was going on. Before I could throw my truck into reverse, all five ladies (none of them younger than 55) began sprinting (a relative term) towards my truck.

"Thank God you stopped. We have a flat tire and none of us knows where the jack is." Granted, I'm an automotive idiot, but I've changed a few tires in my lifetime...so I was prepared to be the hero. After finding the jack, one of the ladies hunkers down beside me to admire my work. It was obvious to me that while waiting for their "hero" they had decided to visit with another friend -- Jack Daniels. So amidst the fumes of JD, exhaust, and dead deer, I got their tire changed. We said our good-bye's, and I walked towards my truck...when I heard the pitter-patter of shoes running up behind me. I turned to see one of the ladies extending her fist out toward me and asking me, "You want some almonds? They sure are good!" In her other hand was a can of almonds...and she was prepared to offer me some of her goods.

I declined...and made my way quickly on down the road.
Stopped in a Dairy Queen in Schulenburg, TX (can anyone tell me what Schulenburg's mascot is?). Ordered a Peanut Buttercup Blizzard (nothing better) and made my way back to the men's room.

Posted in the bathroom was a sign that read, "If this facility is in need of attendance please notify management."

So I think I'm a funny guy...and I walk back up to the front and ask for the manager. She comes walking out, and I told her, "I was just in the bathroom. And I feel certain that there is no one in there any longer. Therefore, the bathroom is now in need of attendance." I cracked a wry smile at her...but got none in return. So I quickly grabbed my Blizzard and dashed out the door before she called the cast of "Deliverance" to do something with me.
When did the Easter Bunny start delivering stuff other than candy. Elijah got a set of golf clubs; Noah got a mini-soccer goal; and Jacob (SEVEN MONTH OLD JACOB!!!) got toys out the ying-yang!!! When I was seven months old I didn't get squat!!! And I dang sure didn't get a set of golf clubs for Easter. You know what I got -- EGGS! And not just eggs, but boiled eggs...boiled eggs I had boiled AND colored the night before!!!

These kids today are WAY too pampered!
Pray for me and Noah...as I did not attend church on Sunday. Noah and I enjoyed a stomach "bug" together, so we stayed home from church (I don't know if Noah's case was any sort of reaction to lipstick being placed in sensitive areas -- I'll get back to you on that).

Granted, I know that the Churches of Christ went to great lengths in my youth to hide the correlation between Easter and the resurrection of Jesus...but I still feel a bit guilty. Guess I'll have to WORK extra hard this week to ensure my salvation.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Never worried...

...but slightly concerned about my middle son, Noah. Noah is 3, and by all accounts is exhibiting typical middle-child qualities. He's sweet...but in my wife's words, he's "mean as fire!"

Recently Noah has been trying to get in touch with his feminine side. The other day at Rainbow School his class earned pennies for a variety of tasks and by exhibiting good behavior. The kids could then use these pennies to buy various "junk" that parents had brought up to the school for this activity. So what did Noah buy???

A pair of girls shoes and a purse!!!

I don't know if I'm spelling this correctly....but in the words of Mel Brooks: "OY VAY!!!"

Not satisfied with merely accessorizing in a feminine way, Noah has also developed an interest in lipstick. No tube of lipstick is safe if left within his reach. I've attached just a small exhibit of his work. Granted, I've had to censor this picture...as Noah chose to apply the lipstick while in the nude.

Fortunately this wasn't expensive lipstick.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

"Know what I wish?"

That was the question Elijah asked me tonite as we were sitting on the front porch. The front porch is the new "rock-Jacob-to-sleep" spot. We figure he can scream bloody murder out there - that way we can share our joy with our neighbors!

Anyhow, Elijah and I were looking up at the stars, and he found a "wishing star." I think it was Mars that he found...but I didn't have the heart to tell him that there was no such thing as a "wishing PLANET." He asked, "Know what I wish?"

"No, tell me," I said.

"Nope, can't tell you, or you won't get your wish."

Silly me!

"Who makes wishes come true, Daddy?"

Searching for my theologian hat I said, "Well, if it's something you really need, and if you REALLY trust God, then God will answer every prayer."

"YES," came the excited and energetic reply! "Let's pray out here tonite, Daddy."

I felt a tear come to my eye and a lump start to form in my throat...but those quickly transitioned into a giggle as he began his prayer, "Dear God, thank you for Mommy and Daddy, and please send me a chocolate bar every time I eat something good..."

I guess I'll need to work on my explanation of wishes coming true.

It was my turn to pray, but before I could start Elijah asked, "Daddy what do you wish?"

That was easy. "I wish Baby Jacob would pipe down and go to sleep!"

"No really, Daddy, what do you wish?"

So I ran inside and got my Bible and read 3 John 4 -- "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." I explained to him that both Mommy and I want nothing more in this life than for all three of our boys to love Jesus and do everything He wants them to do."

"That's a good wish, Daddy."

Yeah...I think so, too.


As I've mentioned previously it's been awhile since I've had a good, long sleep. Case in point, I was up this morning at 3:30 entertaining young Jacob. We had a good time...though I would have much preferred to be staring at the back of my eyeballs! He thinks it's especially funny watching his daddy jump rope and lift weights. Come to think of it, pretty much everyone thinks it's funny to watch me jump rope or lift weights.

ANYHOW...the entire family was asleep at 10:30...and I was making that fateful tour of my favorite channels before I went to bed. I stopped on the History Channel...and was both horrified and intrigued by the topic.

They were examining the phenomenon of Spontaneous Human Combustion. And not only were they examining it, but they were detailing four cases of individuals thought to have died in this grisly manner. And whoop-ded-doo, they even showed pictures!!! The most disturbing picture was of two legs connected to what looked like a pile of charcoal ash. Unfortunately this poor lady was sitting in her recliner when her body decided to engage in, what one of the "experts" called, the Human Hiroshima Effect. WOW!!! That's a little insensitive, isn't it?

There were three other instances they reviewed as well...and each came complete with EXTREMELY graphic photos of folks who looked like a marshmallow that got too close to the campfire. All of the folks either smoked at the time of their death or had recently kicked the habit...so there was plenty of room for skepticism. But the "experts" defended their claim that human beings can turn into a fireball with no prior warning.

Now I'm one of the biggest chickens in the world. The list of my fears is long:
  • Heights
  • Snakes
  • Guns
  • Getting sick in a public restroom (or the restroom of a wealthy person)
  • Converting an uncontested layup
  • Being left alone with my three children for long periods of time

...but I think Spontaneous Human Combustion is a load, and I doubt very seriously I'll be lighting up any time soon. But if it happens, you're all welcomed to circle up, warm yourselves by the fire, and sing Kum-Bah-Yah.

However...."Scanners" did creep me out.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Random Thoughts After A Sleepless Night

Baby Jacob, cute as he is, kept his mother and I up most of the night last night. In fact, I haven't had 4 hours of continuous sleep in more than two weeks. So now, for your reading pleasure, are 10 random thoughts that are, in no way, shape, form or fashion, relevant OR related:
  1. I really like Hillary Duff's song "Beat Of My Heart" -- it reminds of a good 80's techno-song.
  2. Instead of watching the NCAA Championship Game on Monday night, I watched the Stars play the San Jose Sharks on FSN (Stars lost in overtime on a one-timer by former Bruin Joe Thornton).
  3. Reality TV does not interest me in the least.
  4. I've never seen an episode of "Lost."
  5. Molly Ringwald gets way too much credit for her contribution to the 80's -- give me Ally Sheedy!!!
  6. Ameriquest Field (formerly The Ballpark At Arlington) is nice...but I miss ol' Arlington Stadium.
  7. I LOVE "Steel Magnolias."
  8. Why does every barbecue place have to make PEACH cobbler? I HATE peaches!
  9. I don't think Natalie Holloway was killed. I think she passed out on the beach, got washed out with the tide, drowned, and then was eaten by a shark(s).
  10. I don't sing near as well as I think I do.

There -- you may now continue on to a better blog.