Once Is Enough

I was driving to my softball game last night, flipped on the radio, and heard the words from the revered U2 song, "Sunday Bloody Sunday." I'm a huge U2 fan (of everything through Joshua Tree. After that I'm out!), and will stop down my channel-surfing to listen to the greatness of Bono any time!

Only this wasn't U2 playing, and it wasn't Bono singing. It was some Christian alternative band (sorry, didn't catch the name).

Then, my late-night stroll through the channels landed me on A&E's tribute to George Lucas. One of the commercials was the trailer (at least three minutes long) of a movie...another remake of "King Kong!"

What is the deal with remakes?

Granted, I enjoy the occasional "tribute" album -- those albums that gather several artists together to redo a popular band's or artist's materials (for instance, the Led Zeppelin tribute album is very cool -- especially 4 Non-Blondes' rendition of "Misty Mountain High"). And I even like to see a band perform a popular song from another artist in concert. The Goo Goo Dolls did an awesome version of Tom Petty's "American Girl" in Las Vegas; U2's rendition of "Helter Skelter" at Reunion Arena (and on Rattle & Hum) is equally awesome.

But I think the entertainment world needs to be careful about things they redo. Here are a couple of guidelines I suggest they follow:

1) Never remake something regarded as a "classic." In other words, if they got it right the first time, there is no need to try again. It's the old adage: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
2) Do not remake something that has ALREADY been remade. This third attempt at getting "King Kong" correct violates these first two rules!
3) Anything by The Beatles, U2, Led Zeppelin, or The Rolling Stones is off limits. I don't know who you are, but your version of Sunday Bloody Sunday was bad, and you need to have your microphone taken away from you.....TODAY!
4) Hard rock bands that want to remake a song should not choose a slow-moving, acid-inspired ballad-wanna-be. Reference Joan Jett & The Blackhearts attempt at redoing "Crimson & Clover."
5) Never remake a movie or song that failed originally. It may not have been the actors, the script, the aritist, the arrangment, or the music...it may just be a bad movie or a bad song. There's no harm in that...but please don't make us relive someone else's mistake.
6) Don't try to make your debut with a remake. Anyone heard from Tiffany lately?

That's all I got. Please feel free to add to the list!