Open Mouth, Insert BOTH Feet

Last Sunday I was desperately trying to navigate my three offspring from Bible class into the sanctuary for worship. It's similar to herding cats. Cats that must stop at each water fountain. Cats that talk back to you. Cats that like to try and swing on one of your arms while you're trying to beat the other two cats that are fighting with one another.

One of the ladies at church, who has a son the same age as my oldest, saw my efforts, smiled, and said, "Chris, your children are just so cute."

Now what parent doesn't love hearing compliments about their children. Anytime someone has a kind word to say about how well-behaved my kids are (don't hear that one too often!!!), how handsome they are, etc., it just really makes me feel wonderful. So I was about to tell this lady how much I appreciated her kind words at this frantic moment in my life.

But her next sentence came out before mine did.

"They remind me of the kids from 'Village of the Damned.'"

I guess the look on my face made her think she needed to further explain her comment. "You know, they're all blond-headed, blue-eyed, and fair-skinned. And their adorable, just like those kids in the movie." Yeah...adorable...in a demonic, zombie sort of way.

The continued perplexed look on my face caused her to start panicking. "Or maybe it was 'Children of the Corn'?"

"Uh, no, Malachi had red hair in that movie," I said. "Yep, it was 'Village of the Damned,' then," she said as she walked on down the hall.

Funny...and awkward...all at the same time!

But not HALF as awkward as what I found myself in about six years ago. I had just started a new job at my alma mater in Abilene. It was my second week, and we were having one of those team-building exercises that everyone just LOVES. After it was all over, they wanted a group picture to remember the moment. As they began to line us all up, the person taking the picture asked me to move to the front. This group of folks were all taller than I was...and since they were younger, they all had MUCH more hair than I. So as I moved to the front of the group I made the comment, "Great...move all of us short, chubby, balding folks to the front of the line."

Well...it just so happens that as I was saying this, a lady that we work with was also being asked to move to the front to stand beside me. She was significantly shorter than I am, and her hair had begun thinning for some reason. No sooner were the words out of my mouth that she turned and looked at me with this hurt, horrified look on her face. While I did not look directly at her, I could see her face through my peripheral vision...and all of the folks behind me had borne witness to what had happened, and they were doing their best to hold in their embarrassment for me.

So they took the picture...and I got the heck outta there!!!!!!!!!!!