A Day In The Graveyard

It was the first thing in August, and around our house that means one thing and one thing only.

It's time for the annual Stonebarger family reunion.

The community was called Pleasant Hill. It's a hop, skip, and jump to the east of Durant, OK. Today it's nothing more than pastureland, a couple of houses, an old 50' x 50' metal building, and a rolling cemetery. It's not the ideal conditions for a meal...but it's the perfect place to enjoy fried chicken while visiting with family and passing around family pictures. Because more than half a century ago it was the place my father-in-law, Jesse Stonebarger, called home.

Jesse is one of 17 children - 12 sisters and 5 brothers born to Luther and Suba Stonebarger (no one is quite sure what Suba's 'real' name was - they just always knew her as 'Suba'). They were poor...REAL poor. The house they grew up in had three rooms. They got different (not necessarily NEW) clothes once a year (if they were lucky). They worked hard from the time they could walk to help provide for the family.

Things being the way they were, the Stonebarger's relied on one another. They made up their own games, developed their own language (for instance, a 'jack artman' is a flashlight), and became their own little community. They developed a love and joy of being with each other - a feeling that is evident to this very day.

So a little 105 degree heat on the first Sunday of August does little to keep the Stonebarger's from gathering in the cemetery to celebrate being a family. I enjoy it as well. It may sound odd, but I love cemeteries...because they're full of a million stories. And as you walk amongst the monuments of the Stonebarger family and the other families that once made up this community, one can almost hear the Spirits sitting in a circle of folding chairs recounting the stories of a generation gone by.

*Luther's tombstone sports the same date of birth as our oldest son, Elijah. Luther stories are legendary...including the time that he got mad at one of the family's roosters, took a swing at it with his shotgun, and wound up shooting off two of his own fingers.

*Elijah also has the same birthday as L.T., the oldest Stonebarger brother. He died five years ago sitting in his chair while watching television. L.T. LOVED family events - he was always the first to arrive for Thanksgiving...and was usually the last to leave.

*Next to Luther and Suba is an old, worn headstone - worn to the point that no name or date is visible. In 1943, Luther, Suba and the children were in the fields picking cotton for one of the landowners they worked for. They brought their two-year old twins, Barbara and Irene with them, but set them in the wagon to keep them out of the way. Irene got down out of the wagon and was playing underneath when Luther led the horse forward. She was killed almost instantly.

*Dave was 12 years younger than Jesse - he died two years ago. I baptized him weeks before he succumbed to cancer. I did his eulogy in that same metal building before we buried beside his mom and dad as well.

*"Dude" is on the opposite end of the cemetery. Just like Suba, I'm not real sure of what her real name is...but everyone called her "Dude" for as long as they can remember. She was the firstborn and the one that the other brothers and sisters looked to for inspiration. She died of a heart attack while Robin was in college.

And the stories go on and on. There are numerous headstones with inscriptions such as "Our infant son"; "Born May 15 - Died May 16." One poor family had four tiny monuments with those same inscriptions. How painful it would be to endure the loss of your child.

So it doesn't matter how hot it is the first Sunday of August in 2009. We'll be in the cemetery in Pleasant Hill. We'll eat the same food, reunite with the same family members, and pass around the same pictures. Then I'll wander among the monuments to see what new stories I can find.