"I asked for a car; I got a computer."

Looking for a commentary that uses big words and ponders the deeper meanings of various topics? Well...you've come to the wrong place. This blog is all about extolling the greatness of Christ, the joy of marriage, the rollercoaster ride called parenthood, the supremacy of the 1980's...and doing all of it at a fifth grade reading level!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Politics At Its Cruelest

Why would anyone WANT to be President of the United States of America?

Your opponents go through your past, dredge up everything you ever said that was controversial, stupid, incorrect, or misunderstood.

Your opponents go through your past to find any and all improprieties, errors in judgments, and random acts of idiocy.

Your opponents do the same things to every member of your family.

And even if your found to be clean as a whistle...some dork winds up snapping a picture of you or a family member looking like this!

Now granted, this brought me a considerable amount of joy. Heck, I had to get up from my desk because I was laughing so loud. But c'mon - give poor Chelsea a break -- at least get a picture of her mom making a face like this!!!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Christmas Is About Learning

I love Christmas!

But I don't enjoy watching people run willy-nilly to the mall during their lunch break to buy one more gift while I try to navigate the drive-thru at Panda Express. I don't enjoy talking to a customer on the phone while trying to tune out the din of my co-workers agonizing to one another about equalling out the amounts they have spent on their children. I don't enjoy wrapping gifts...even though I'm really, really good at it (just ask Robin)!!! Of course, I also don't enjoy the gift bag (I think that's a cop-out!). I don't enjoy taking back pants that are the wrong size...and finding that they no longer have my size (will someone PLEASE tell my mother I have a 34" waist!!!).

I don't enjoy all of that...but I do love Christmas.

I love the fact that Jacob, our youngest, is still more excited about the process of opening a present than he is about what's inside. Heck, you could wrap an empty two-liter bottle of Diet Coke, and the kid would be ecstatic! And I learned to enjoy the ride.

I love the fact that a used $2.99 Nintendo Gamecube game was really all that Elijah wanted for Christmas. Mommy and Daddy felt compelled to shower him with more than he needed or wanted. And I learned a valuable lesson - LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD!

I love the fact that a simple Whoopee Cushion (I THINK that's how you spell it) will keep Noah entertained for days (though I have vowed to get my brother-in-law back for that one!). And I learned to appreciate the simple things.

I love watching my boys shop earnestly for the family we adopted for Christmas. And I learned to do more than just go through the motions.

I love being around my family. And I learned that I am blessed beyond measure.

I hope both of you had a Merry Christmas!!!

Friday, December 21, 2007

I'm Glad You Can Read, But...

One of the most exciting things about being a parent is watching your child learn. Elijah LOVES to learn...and it's amazing what a tremendous reader he has become over the past few months. He reads EVERYTHING...cereal boxes; the credits on a movie; billboards; etc. You write it - he'll read it.

And while it's great that he can read...it's not ALWAYS a good thing. For instance...

Elijah and I took a trip to the mall in Sherman to do a little Christmas shopping and visit with Santa. The mall in Sherman has a Dillard's...which just happens to have a jukebox blaring various songs by a wide variety of artists. It's a new-fangled jukebox - instead of records, it has CD's...with the CD covers displaying the artist, title of the CD, and list of songs available.

On this particular day, and Aerosmith tune was playing ("Toys In The Attic"...which, by the way, R.E.M. does a GREAT cover of). The catalog of CD's was opened to Aerosmith...and right above the Aerosmith CD was AC/DC's "Back In Black." I'm a HUGE AC/DC fan, and I commented to Elijah, as we walked by, "Oh man, that's one of the greatest CD's of all time."

Big mistake!

Elijah is thus moved by The Spirit to do a U-turn and run to the jukebox to learn more about AC/DC by reading this CD. Although Elijah is a fantastic reader, he has yet to learn the art of reading SILENTLY. In fact, with the volume of the music at a fairly high level, Elijah is not content to read in a normal tone. No - he feels compelled to read at a level that everyone within 50 feet can hear him.

And what does he read first? Do he go to Track 1? No...which is sort of a good thing, since the first song is called "Hell's Bells." Instead, he goes to Track 5, and reads the title of that song EXTREMELY loud...


Instantly every eye within earshot turns to Elijah...a couple with horrified expressions. Others begin to snicker. I...being the juvenile that I am...begin to giggle as well. Elijah looks at me with a quizzical expression.

"Daddy, what's so funny," he asked?

"Nothing," I replied, trying to muffle my laughter.

"Well, what does that mean - Let Me Put My Love Into You?" More laughter comes from the growing crowd...now anxiously awaiting an embarrassed father's response.

"Let Me Put My Love Into You," Elijah asks again? "Daddy, I don't get it - why is that so funny."

Daddy is now walking away at a rapid pace, hoping no one will notice his reddened face OR the child running behind him asking the meaning of this new reading phenomenon introduced by AC/DC.

I'm Alive


Yes, I know...I haven't written anything in months and months. So I apologize to both of you for my lack of blogging. Please forgive me...it's just that my life has been really boring for the past few months.

I promise to write more next week...as it oughtta be a really slow week at work.

In the meantime, since it's the Christmas season, please enjoy what I believe to be the best Christmas picture in the history of photography. This truly tragic photo was taken in December 2002 after Elijah had just turned two. It STILL makes me giggle out loud to this very day.

And don't worry....after months of therapy Elijah was back to normal.