Scaredy Cat!!!

Elijah and Noah claim they're afraid of the dark. I ain't buying it...as I know the total disdain they have for bedtime.

So I'm making a last ditch attempt to get them to go to sleep a couple of nights ago, and Elijah begins his melodramatic monologue on his fear of the dark. Using my best fatherly voice I explained to him that there's nothing to be afraid of. My exact explanation was, "Things in the dark are the same as they are in the light...only they're...darker."

Now....both of you are thinking, "Geez, what an idiot." Not so fast, oh kings of criticism. My carefully crafted response worked...as it so totally baffled Elijah that he had to lay down just to ponder what the old man had said.

I give each of them a hug, tell them "good night," and I'm almost out the door when Elijah springs up in bed and says, "Daddy, were you ever afraid of the dark?"

"Uh...yeah. Good night!"

"Daddy, what else were you afraid of?"

While some of us parents mistake this as inquisitiveness and the quest for more information, children know exactly what this is. It's called STALLING!!!!!

"We'll talk about that in the morning, on our way to school," I said. And I left the room.

It was then that I began to ponder all the things I was afraid of growing up...and, in some case, am STILL afraid of to this day. Don't laugh!

1. Having My Head Cut Off: I might as well start with the most shocking one first. When I was in third grade there was a mass murder that happened in Fort Worth in which all five victims were decapitated. I just knew that my family would be the next one this guy would go after. So to make sure he didn't come through my window I carefully aligned two boxes full of thumbtacks around my window sill. And it worked -- I still have my head!!!
2. Tornadoes: In Texas, April showers bring lightning, wind, hail and tornadoes. It's a fact of life that every Texan must deal with. I, unfortunately, was not able to deal with it. When the clouds would boil and the thunder would crash, I'd run to my room, crawl under my bed and cry. Of course, the only thing that would make this worse would be some sort of weather bulletin flying across the TV saying that Tarrant County was under a Tornado Warning. It was then that I would start dragging mattresses off the bed and shove them into the bathroom. While I was in the bathtub praying and crying my parents were calling a psychologist.
3. Flying: I must confess that, even after logging hundreds of thousands of miles of air travel, I am still a little afraid of flying. I say a prayer as I step on every plane, I pray for the pilot as we taxi to take off, and I recite the 23rd Psalms during every takeoff.
4. Monsters: Contrary to what all the nay-sayers think, monsters do exist...and they lived in my closet! But as every child knows, monsters can only "get" to uncovered parts of your body. I was fortunate to secure the use of a snorkel sometime around Kindergarten...and I would fall asleep at night with the covers pulled up over my head (regardless of how hot it was) with only the snorkel peeking out from under the sheets. Though this made for an uncomfortable night's sleep, it did keep all my limbs in tact.

I'll spare you the rest of the details on other childhood fears...but a special shout out should go to deep water (I still don't swim very well), mice, snakes, heights, and Santa Claus.

Please feel free to share your fears...and let's work through these traumatic times together.