Top Ten Things I Learned On Saturday

From the home office in Downers Grove, IL (home of former WWF wrestler "Leaping" Lanny Poffo), here are ten tidbits of wisdom I discerned while going about my day on Saturday...

10. Raid Wasp & Hornet Killer does not kill bees. It does, however, make them extremely angry.

9. When stung by a bee put a mixture of water and baking soda on the place(s) stung; it helps relieve the pain...a bit.

8. My mother STILL panics when I get hurt.

7. ACU employees should stand in the middle of traffic to collect change. It obviously works for our local Abilene fire fighters.

6. My next door neighbor, Mrs Spicer, doesn't like The Ramones and would prefer I not play their music while working outside.

5, When the label on a cannister tells you to wear rubber gloves, it's wise to heed the warning.

4. When Slade Sullivan asks if you'll be around later to help him move something, it is wise to come up with an excuse.

3. On the Day of Judgment, "bad people" won't go straight to Hell...they'll first be made to wander through the Wal-Mart card section on the Saturday afternoon before Mothers Day.

2. One should buy a Mother's Day card on a day other than Mother's Day Eve.

And the number one thing I learned on Saturday...

1. I'm getting old...